Let it go.
Story of my life.
And when I talk, bang bang.
I forbid myself to be vulnerable.
And I forbid the ones I love to be so.
No more vulnerability, no more abandons.
That’s how it works in my head.
No more danger, no more loss.
I just want to be surrounded by safety, clarity, surety, the understandable, the loveable, the light, the colours, the smiles, the laughs, the sincerity, the purity, the beauty.
No more shadows, no more fears, so more unknown, no more hate, no more secrets, no more darkness, no more tears, no more destruction, no more, no more, no more.
No more goodbyes, but like never again, never saying goodbye again, never loving, never trusting, never hoping, never expecting.
And this is the paradoxical point, where you want to protect yourself so much against every bad things, that you get surrounded by them, and no more good things.
The only way seems to be acceptance. Acceptance. Accept. Accept. Accept.
Accepting to be alone, accepting to be scared, accepting to be weak, accepting to fail, accepting to lose, accepting to hate, accepting to be bad, accepting to feel bad, accepting the bad.
Accepting that you’re gone, and that it created a gap that nothing can fill. Absolutely nothing. Not even the hope to find again a new relationship with someone who lost you too. Things have always gone the same way, and the reason for this is so deep that nothing is going to change during your time life. Nothing.
You’re gone. No. You’re dead.
Accept. She’s dead. Dead. D.E.A.D. D.E.A.D. D.E.A.D.