It hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts to have to live without you.

It hurts to have to smile without you.

It hurts to have to fight without you.

It hurts to see they don’t even imagine how much it hurts.

 

I have to live without you every single day. Not only the days I cry.

I have to learn to live without you. But who will teach me?

It won’t be you. But who else could teach me how to live without you?

Who could know what you used to be for me?

Who could imagine that I used to feel like a princess next to you because you were a queen to me?

 

Because you were a queen to me. Because you are a queen to me.

A beautiful queen. The most beautiful queen.

A human queen. The most human queen.

A sweet queen. The sweetest queen.

It hurts. It hurts to imagine that I will never see you again. Never.

It hurts to see you reduced to material stuff.

It just hurts. But it hurts so much.

And it’s a pain I have to build myself from.

 

It’s ok, I’m used to it. Building myself from an injury.

Thanks God there are some amazing nurses doctors and loved ones around me.

But it’s a shame to realise that my life is actually a fight against the people I love’s death.

And that is not only when I cry. This is every single moment.

 

So yes, sometimes I’m weird.

Yes sometimes I’m a nightmare.

Yes sometimes I sound mean.

And yes, sometimes I appear not to care about anything.

But please forgive me.

Because all of the bad feelings you have because of me, I am the first person who feels them, just because of me.

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